||[Dec. 19th, 2012|11:29 am]
I just read a twitter stating that if you see a negative person, hug them, because they need it and it will surprise them. I don't know what the tweeter means by negative - A cynic, someone who's depressed, a pessimist? - but as someone who doesn't like being hugged by anyone at any time, I would suggest that this advice be ignored. It doesn't make me feel better, it makes me feel bound, my personal space violated, and I resent the fact that family and friends insist on hugging me knowing I don't like it. It's disrespectful and I put up with it only because it's not worth arguing over.|
|From: pith — |
2012-12-19 07:06 pm (UTC)
Yeah, "negative" is quite vague. And not everyone needs or wants a hug. People can offer, but if the person says no, then respect that.
I resent the fact that family and friends insist on hugging me knowing I don't like it. It's disrespectful and I put up with it only because it's not worth arguing over.
I would say that's worth arguing over, especially if they know your preferences. To me, that's worse than a stranger who doesn't know your preferences, because it's disrespecting your space AND your feelings. (EDIT: But, of course, whether you want to argue with someone over it is up to you. I'm just saying that you shouldn't have to feel like it's not worth it.)
Edited at 2012-12-19 07:07 pm (UTC)
I'm the sort that will avoid conflict unless it's really necessary and will actually accomplish something. If someone is the sort to hug me knowing I don't like it, they're the sort to get offended and passive aggressive about it. (Kind of reminds me of all the people who know I don't like being around kids but will invite me to things that would involve hours or even days crammed into the car with their children. I guess their children are different.)
I agree with the above comment. Would you like a button that says in big letters, "Ask Before Hugging"? That might be a way to open the dialogue with people who have just been insisting.
Also, I have a HUGE trigger about boundary issues, of which this is definitely one and you have every right to be annoyed.
Do you sell those buttons? I checked your site and couldn't something like that.
Yes, because we're all huggers, don't you know? Those of us who claim we aren't huggers, well, we just don't know we really are, we just haven't been hugged by the right person, and all we have to do is relax.
What ever happened to offering a smile or sincerely asking someone how they are doing? I can see where the tweeter is coming from, though. I don't think the "touchy/huggy" types are always quite aware of how uncomfortable their contact makes those who would prefer to stay in their bubble. It doesn't bother me so much when I realize they aren't doing it intentionally. On the other hand, I do have two coworkers who constantly offer hugs simply because they know I DON'T want one.
Exactly. Sincerity and warmth can be conveyed with words and a smile. I also feel that a lot of huggers can't be bothered with reading body language. If everyone else is hugging and I'm staying way back, that's a pretty good hint that I don't want to be touched, isn't it?